Lesson one learned from How to Win Friends and Influence People

Lesson one learned from How to Win Friends and Influence People

I got this book, How to Win Friends and Influence People from a senior recently and haven't got enough time to carefully read the book and make it useful. But as i read, i decided to write down the key ideas chapter by chapter, to share it to everyone also as a summary to myself to ensure my understanding on the topic. Perhaps it might help me using the techniques or skills when I interact with others in the future.

As to why do I decide to read the book, i believe that education and life long learning is an important part to my personal growth as well as financial growth. As some people say education is the best investment you can make to yourself. I would think that reading would someday help me, perhaps without noticing it, one's personality changes with reading and exposure to wider knowledge.

In the first chapter of the book, titled "If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive"

Essentially it is about criticism. Do not criticise others while hoping them to be better. In the illustration, the author Dale Carnegie used an example of Lincoln. His general had an golden opportunity to win over the opponents but hesitation caused them to lose the enemies. Lincoln was almost sending out a letter to criticise the general. Doing so would definitely relief his anger but the consequences might be the general will have bad feelings, gets defensive and all. In the end he did not send out the letter and this story goes unknown to many.

Don't criticise, condemn, or complain.

This is the principle number 1 highlighted at the end of chapter one. Criticizing get others into defensive mode and create bad feelings. This chapter suggests that instead of complaining about bad actions, we should complement good actions. Psychologists suggests that complements of good behavior do better at encouraging that behavior. In the future, instead of criticizing bad behaviour, why not try complementing good behavior to encourage it and do the complements publicly to allow others see the good example and follow it.